Category Archives: My Messed Up Psyche

Atlas Shrugged and went back to work

In my understanding of Ayn Rand, I have found that she is cold and unforgiving, but at least she is the one thing I really admire in a girl, she’s consistent. I reread the book after about fifteen years and I find that the hero to me is Eddie Willers. In Ayn Rand’s opinion, I believe it would probably be Dagney Taggert. I am astounded at how I’ve changed in fifteen years. Fifteen years ago, I felt that this book represented my world view and what I aspired to be. Today, I find the book represents my world view and I am a complete failure. I have more in common with the demonized moochers and looters than I have with the various heroes of the book. Am I proud of it? No. Am I going to make weak excuses as to the reasons I am this way. Absolutely. I’m Bipolar. I have brain damage. My cortisol levels are low. I’m an alcoholic and of course, my favorite…. I have been sick at various levels on and off since I was fourteen. I have been tired my whole life. Now, here is the negative result of me reading this book. It astounds me that I would put these excuses up for the world to see,  but I know that nobody is going to read this. I’ve gotten various bots posting things but that’s it…. I hereby resolve to quit using my illnesse(For three weeks, it’s been bronchitis) as an excuse to not go off of my medication. Now, those of you in the peanut gallery may be saying, that’s not a good idea. I assure you that if I want to become a productive member of society, I need to go off these meds, so here’s the plan. A)Quit coffee by Saturday, B) Start wheedling back on meds by Monday. C) Keep exercising every day and D) Remember that to be a productive member of society may be the most rebellious thing I could do these days. Freedom in Christ is the only freedom there is. Amen

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