Author Archives: zonkedout1

Trying to work this out

I set somebody on a path that rarely ends well. I got them interested in magick.  Magick is the fast food of spirituality at its best and a deep dark hole that one cannot climb out of at its worst. This particular friend has had a string of bad circumstances lately, some his fault, some an overpunishment by the system and some just unlucky. Now, I look at this friend: smart, independent, and things come easy for him. I don’t even think he knows how easy. I see a lot of myself in him except that he’s charming and knows how to make fast friends, whereas I….lack in that area. This friend spent a little time in prison, a little time in rehab, and a little time in a halfway house. He has not always made the best choices. I don’t know how to explain it. He has a good heart and a good head, but makes some really bad choices. I guess that may be the reason I see some of myself in him. In prison, he spent a lot of time in the bible. In the halfway house, he says that he spent a lot of time relying on God. I was thrilled to hear it and though I may not have been as encouraging as I should have been, it lifted me up to think that he had developed a relationship with The Christ while incarcerated. I thought that maybe he would get a handle on things in his life before I got a handle on things in mine. Since, he got out, he has let me know that he has resumed studies into things that people (not all people, but certainly the ones I care about) should not be studying. He has started reading the Keys of Solomon, is rereading Israel Regardie’s The Golden Dawn, and is undertaking Undoing Yourself by Christpher Hyatt. Now, if he was like me, it would be a little bad. If he is reading out of intellectual curiosity, it may have an effect on his spirit, but he wouldn’t be channeling powerful energies, deceptive energies. On the other hand, this guy is a little more proactive than I am. He sees the promise of metaphysical understanding and maybe the promise of bending wills and changing realities and he says, “Why not give it a shot?”. Now, I’m the one who lent him my copy of Golden Dawn nary six years ago. I’m the one that coaches him when he has questions about eradicating ego. I’m the one he comes to when he wants to spitball ideas or get a different interpretation on something he’s read. How do I, after all that, get him to understand that Spiritual Enlightenment best be left to someone else and that (even worse) Invocations of Spirits (and demons?) is a really bad idea. I don’t even think half of it works without years of training, but what about the stuff that does? I sincerely want to tell him to get away from that stuff, and if he won’t, at least have him taught by someone that is more knowledgeable than I. That stuff can be bad for body and soul and though the body is temporary, I hate to see him lose his soul. I know that nobody reads this stuff, but if you do, do you have any suggestions?

Alice: Madness Returns, LA Noire and Catherine

I know that Alice has got to be one of the most original mind blowing games I have ever played. It is psychically dark, intense, and fun simultaneously, It is fresh. Now while I enjoy  LA Noire,  not dark intense and barely captures the imagination with new ideas. It’s slow and not really worthy of the Rockstar name. Now, I may just be upset about the free T-shirt they promised me, but although the story telling technique is new and innovative, it kind of sucks. Red Dead Redemption  was a much better game as every  GTA since III,   As was Bully.   In fact, LA Noire  is the only  Rockstar game in fifteen years not to knock me completely off my feet. Back to Alice, I didn’t play the first one because it was PC and I didn’t have one ’til recently. I love this Alice. I have never seen a game so twisted. No Resident Evil(though three was good), Silent Hill, Dead Space  horror game can compare to twisted Alice. In conclusion, I have a very limited video game budget. I got these games because of their promised innovation. I am really excited about Catherine because it’s supposed to be a psycho sexual thriller, which I’ve never seen in a video game. After that, Back to  ICO, and Saint’s Row: The Third

Atlas Shrugged and went back to work

In my understanding of Ayn Rand, I have found that she is cold and unforgiving, but at least she is the one thing I really admire in a girl, she’s consistent. I reread the book after about fifteen years and I find that the hero to me is Eddie Willers. In Ayn Rand’s opinion, I believe it would probably be Dagney Taggert. I am astounded at how I’ve changed in fifteen years. Fifteen years ago, I felt that this book represented my world view and what I aspired to be. Today, I find the book represents my world view and I am a complete failure. I have more in common with the demonized moochers and looters than I have with the various heroes of the book. Am I proud of it? No. Am I going to make weak excuses as to the reasons I am this way. Absolutely. I’m Bipolar. I have brain damage. My cortisol levels are low. I’m an alcoholic and of course, my favorite…. I have been sick at various levels on and off since I was fourteen. I have been tired my whole life. Now, here is the negative result of me reading this book. It astounds me that I would put these excuses up for the world to see,  but I know that nobody is going to read this. I’ve gotten various bots posting things but that’s it…. I hereby resolve to quit using my illnesse(For three weeks, it’s been bronchitis) as an excuse to not go off of my medication. Now, those of you in the peanut gallery may be saying, that’s not a good idea. I assure you that if I want to become a productive member of society, I need to go off these meds, so here’s the plan. A)Quit coffee by Saturday, B) Start wheedling back on meds by Monday. C) Keep exercising every day and D) Remember that to be a productive member of society may be the most rebellious thing I could do these days. Freedom in Christ is the only freedom there is. Amen

I threw a book away.

I always respect the first amendment and the freedom to express ideas. I always work hard to explain that Tipper Gore  has the right to protest a record label and it is not censorship. It is an exceptional example of free speech. I was really disappointed when Cop Killer  was taken off the Body Count  album. I completely support Walmart’s right to have an alternative nonexplicit album. The understanding of free speech in this country is convoluted. You have a right to say what you want, when you want, and not have the government interfere when you suffer the natural consequences. There are always consequences for speech. Shouting Fire or boring someone to death with your rambling are both big ones. John Stuart Mill understood these things and I recommend On Liberty  to anyone who can read and think at the same time. On that note, I tried to read a book on Marx by Marxists and suffered through half of the book. I simply do not live in the same reality as these people and they are harder to understand than David Lynch. I tried to read Exploitation. A collection of essays dedicated to the philosophy and production theory of Karl Marx. I read Das Kapital and it was easier than this was. I understand that the people who wrote this are very intelligent. There is no doubt in my mind about that. They are also very wrong. In the grand scheme of things, if I no longer want a book, I deliver it to the library and they sell it to raise funds to buy new books. It’s a system I like. It makes me feel good about getting rid of crap I don’t want in my house. But, I surely do not want a book written by the intelligentsia falling into the hands of a fool who understands just enough to be convinced by these people. I will by no means ask that this book be pulled off of shelves where people can get it. I just won’t be the one to put it there.

PSN Back Online

I got my two free games for thirty days today and just finished downloading them (Little Big Planet and Dead Nation). After I finished  Bayonetta (woohoo), I tried to play  Dead Nation  and I immediately had to download an update. So I’m typing this. I also opted to download the old Final Fantasy  movie. It’s okay, but has nothing on Advent’s Children. I’m happy for Sony. They are a great company that distributes quality products and this was a tragedy. Should they ever find the SOBs that hacked ’em, I want them tortured and killed. As the old saying goes: “Dying’s too good for them.” Anyway, a little waterboarding never hurt anybody. Anyone who talks about the good hackers giving a what for to the evil corporation is a fool. It’s us, the customer who’ve lost out by the hackers actions and it is in my soundest of judgments that I say, hacking has become more than a bunch of pranks. It has become a costly behavior. It is theft. It is invasion of privacy and most of all, it’s just a dick move.

Atlas Moves his Feet and Accidentally Drops The Whole Thing.

 

This thought is incomplete. Atlas Shrugged has been on my mind. I just started rereading it. I haven’t seen the movie, but I heard it was good. When I first started reading it, Clinton was in office…. I shuddered when I felt the book was prophetic. I held Clinton in contempt and the book seemed feasible. Here I am nary twenty years later and I find that Obama resembles the dumb asses in the book. I know not a deep informative analysis of the book, but there it is. I also keep having this image of The Fool Tarot Card except in my head it is Obama that has a dog nipping at his heels, he’s smiling as he looks to the sun and not noticing as he steps off a cliff destroying him but he has a rope connected to America and he’s dragging us with him.

I can’t help it!?!

Does anyone else check their order status when they order something from Amazon? I do it like three times a day until my order arrives. I do it even when I pre-order something and it doesn’t come out for another ten days and I’m too cheap to get anything but the super saver shipping. I have a serious obsessive compulsive thing going on here… I may need psychiatric help (more psychiatric help)…Oh dear, I feel that I must go check again and Alice: Madness Returns doesn’t come out until June 14th. What is the deal. I did order it early enough to get it for $45. The price has gone up to $59.99. That was awesome. Inever get the the better deal on things . I did order Catherine for $57 and now it’s $60 but that doesn’t feel like quite the savings….I’m off to Amazon.

Bayonetta

I have just finished Bayonetta. It is an awesome game. I never play new games because they cost so much but if I was to give a review for Bayonetta, It would be a five thumbs up game. I seriously enjoyed the cut scenes and the full on action throughout the game. It was not a game so difficult that no one could finish it and it was reasonably good game play. The camera action was a little slow but that was my only complaint. Seriously Good Game. In it, you’re a witch, killing angels. Lines between good and evil were blurred and the game made an initially irritating title character into someone you could sympathize with. You get consistent cartoon sideboob and for me that’s a plus. I like hot, sexy cartoons….so sue me. I loved this game.  Next, I will take on LA NOIRE!. I have Alice and Catherine on pre order. I have never pre-ordered a game before. This is so cool.

I just want to make a Wiener joke….

Alas, the Daily Show has come up with the best ones already. In my opinion, problems in this world abound….The Weather,….The War(s)….The Economy and the National Debt….Ignorance….Touchy Feely stuff I don’t care about….Looming Biblical Apocalyptic Prophecy….Some surprises the prophets didn’t tell us about….The undermining of the constitution and Bill of Rights….Undermining of Property and Privacy rights…The Lack of Interest in finding the answers to Life, The Universe and Everything…Nuclear Arms attached to the wrong hands….Terror…The Out of Control Regulatory Agencies(This means you NTSB and EPA…FDA…etc.) …Out of Control Legislative, Judicial, and Executive Powers….Lack of support for Israel…French People….Incomplete summaries of what is wrong with the world!!! I have no fears of only one thing, The Jewish Conspiracy to Control The world. And French Attack Helicopters. I am saddened by Glenn Beck leaving Fox News. I fear Haarp, or is that Aarp, not sure. But, in closing, I do think in this world of mass media that God gives us purpose. This purpose may be a single moment in contrast to lengthy periods of seeming lack of purpose. I say this in reference to Rep. Wiener. It just makes me chuckle..,.That may be a seemingly small purpose, but it is purpose.

My Series Of Happy Health Surprises

My area of interest tends to be politics so I expected this to be a political blog that nobody read, but my first post comes to me in a state of frustration. It will be a single health blog to be unread among many an unread political blog. I have, for seven months, been trying to recover from what my psychiatric medication has been doing to me. I have been seeing a naturapath , exercising consistently, dieting and living cleaner than I have ever lived. Lo, in March, I found that I have Estradiol levels that are very high for a man. So, after the diet, exercise, etc., I have a thinner body, but man boobs and love handles that won’t go away. So, I jump online. I delve into the many secrets, symptoms and natural treatments for high estradiol levels. I take DIM during the day, ZMA at night and hope that all is well with the world. Yesterday, I find after trying to remedy these things myself, I also have dangerously low cortisol levels and my estradiol levels have risen by roughly 30%. I am immersed in the study of treating cortisol levels and if it is anywhere near as successful as I was at treating my estradiol levels, I may quit getting out of bed. No one wants to hear this, so, I’m lucky no one will read it. I don’t trust doctors, but I may have to give them another try. I am up a creek. In politics, how bout that Wiener?

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