Monthly Archives: July 2011

Trying to work this out

I set somebody on a path that rarely ends well. I got them interested in magick.  Magick is the fast food of spirituality at its best and a deep dark hole that one cannot climb out of at its worst. This particular friend has had a string of bad circumstances lately, some his fault, some an overpunishment by the system and some just unlucky. Now, I look at this friend: smart, independent, and things come easy for him. I don’t even think he knows how easy. I see a lot of myself in him except that he’s charming and knows how to make fast friends, whereas I….lack in that area. This friend spent a little time in prison, a little time in rehab, and a little time in a halfway house. He has not always made the best choices. I don’t know how to explain it. He has a good heart and a good head, but makes some really bad choices. I guess that may be the reason I see some of myself in him. In prison, he spent a lot of time in the bible. In the halfway house, he says that he spent a lot of time relying on God. I was thrilled to hear it and though I may not have been as encouraging as I should have been, it lifted me up to think that he had developed a relationship with The Christ while incarcerated. I thought that maybe he would get a handle on things in his life before I got a handle on things in mine. Since, he got out, he has let me know that he has resumed studies into things that people (not all people, but certainly the ones I care about) should not be studying. He has started reading the Keys of Solomon, is rereading Israel Regardie’s The Golden Dawn, and is undertaking Undoing Yourself by Christpher Hyatt. Now, if he was like me, it would be a little bad. If he is reading out of intellectual curiosity, it may have an effect on his spirit, but he wouldn’t be channeling powerful energies, deceptive energies. On the other hand, this guy is a little more proactive than I am. He sees the promise of metaphysical understanding and maybe the promise of bending wills and changing realities and he says, “Why not give it a shot?”. Now, I’m the one who lent him my copy of Golden Dawn nary six years ago. I’m the one that coaches him when he has questions about eradicating ego. I’m the one he comes to when he wants to spitball ideas or get a different interpretation on something he’s read. How do I, after all that, get him to understand that Spiritual Enlightenment best be left to someone else and that (even worse) Invocations of Spirits (and demons?) is a really bad idea. I don’t even think half of it works without years of training, but what about the stuff that does? I sincerely want to tell him to get away from that stuff, and if he won’t, at least have him taught by someone that is more knowledgeable than I. That stuff can be bad for body and soul and though the body is temporary, I hate to see him lose his soul. I know that nobody reads this stuff, but if you do, do you have any suggestions?

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Alice: Madness Returns, LA Noire and Catherine

I know that Alice has got to be one of the most original mind blowing games I have ever played. It is psychically dark, intense, and fun simultaneously, It is fresh. Now while I enjoy  LA Noire,  not dark intense and barely captures the imagination with new ideas. It’s slow and not really worthy of the Rockstar name. Now, I may just be upset about the free T-shirt they promised me, but although the story telling technique is new and innovative, it kind of sucks. Red Dead Redemption  was a much better game as every  GTA since III,   As was Bully.   In fact, LA Noire  is the only  Rockstar game in fifteen years not to knock me completely off my feet. Back to Alice, I didn’t play the first one because it was PC and I didn’t have one ’til recently. I love this Alice. I have never seen a game so twisted. No Resident Evil(though three was good), Silent Hill, Dead Space  horror game can compare to twisted Alice. In conclusion, I have a very limited video game budget. I got these games because of their promised innovation. I am really excited about Catherine because it’s supposed to be a psycho sexual thriller, which I’ve never seen in a video game. After that, Back to  ICO, and Saint’s Row: The Third

Atlas Shrugged and went back to work

In my understanding of Ayn Rand, I have found that she is cold and unforgiving, but at least she is the one thing I really admire in a girl, she’s consistent. I reread the book after about fifteen years and I find that the hero to me is Eddie Willers. In Ayn Rand’s opinion, I believe it would probably be Dagney Taggert. I am astounded at how I’ve changed in fifteen years. Fifteen years ago, I felt that this book represented my world view and what I aspired to be. Today, I find the book represents my world view and I am a complete failure. I have more in common with the demonized moochers and looters than I have with the various heroes of the book. Am I proud of it? No. Am I going to make weak excuses as to the reasons I am this way. Absolutely. I’m Bipolar. I have brain damage. My cortisol levels are low. I’m an alcoholic and of course, my favorite…. I have been sick at various levels on and off since I was fourteen. I have been tired my whole life. Now, here is the negative result of me reading this book. It astounds me that I would put these excuses up for the world to see,  but I know that nobody is going to read this. I’ve gotten various bots posting things but that’s it…. I hereby resolve to quit using my illnesse(For three weeks, it’s been bronchitis) as an excuse to not go off of my medication. Now, those of you in the peanut gallery may be saying, that’s not a good idea. I assure you that if I want to become a productive member of society, I need to go off these meds, so here’s the plan. A)Quit coffee by Saturday, B) Start wheedling back on meds by Monday. C) Keep exercising every day and D) Remember that to be a productive member of society may be the most rebellious thing I could do these days. Freedom in Christ is the only freedom there is. Amen

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